Sometimes Animals Just Can’t Be Constrained By Our Laws.

Animals are wild. You can’t predict what they are going to do, and that is what makes them dangerous. But when animals start acting like criminals, the law needs to get involved because these animals don’t respect authority! We need to read them their rights and bring ’em in!  

1.) The Chatty Parrot

A man’s bird snitched on him while driving. The driver was pulled over when the cop heard the parrot squawking “He’s drunk! He’s drunk!” The cop took the bird’s tip, and upon performing a breathalyzer test on the man, found out he WAS drunk.

2.) The Sly Fox

A London man, Anthony Schofield, was caught with his pants down when a mangy fox attacked him on his toilet. Schofield jumped up and tried to chase the fox away. The fox ran into the living room and attacked Schofield’s 14-year-old cat, which was asleep on a chair. As Schofield tried to save his cat, the fox bit his wrist. Describing the attack, Schofield said, “It bit so hard I couldn’t get it off. It was madly swinging around from my wrist scrambling for the cat. It was wild and incredibly strong. I am not a weak man and I could not for the life of me open its jaw on my wrist.”

3.) The Dastardly Ducks

91-year-old Wilmer Neumann was strolling with his grandson in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, when a muscovy duck attacked. There was a female duck nearby, but it was the male duck that flew onto Neumann. The duck sunk its sharp talon into Neumann’s left calf. An animal control officer, Terrance Sykes, was dispatched to capture the ducks. It wasn’t an easy task, but he put the hissing ducks into cages after two days and several failed attempts with the help of another officer.

4.) The Perp Puppy

John Costello was carjacked by his 12-week-old German shepherd puppy, Rosie. The incident began after Costello took Rosie for a walk near Bolivar Pond in Canton, Massachusetts. When ready to leave, Costello got into his car and started the engine. Costello explains what happened next: “The dog jumped in and hit the gear shift and the car jerked and she fell on top of the gas pedal. It was just scary.”

5.) The Piggy Prankster

A wild pig stole and drank 18 cans of beer left unattended by campers at the DeGrey River Rest Area in Port Hedland, Western Australia. Then the pickled porker, nicknamed Swino, raided the campsite’s garbage bins and started a fight with a nearby cow.

6.) The Stoner Bears

When Royal Canadian Mounted Police raided a marijuana plantation near Christina Lake in British Columbia, five officers were surprised to see almost a dozen black bears guarding the plants. The policemen quickly realized the bear guards were quite mellow and didn’t pose a threat. As Sergeant Fred Mansveld explained, “They were tame, they just sat around watching. At one point, one of the bears climbed onto the hood of a police car, sat there for a bit, and then jumped off.” They seemed like chill dudes. I wonder why?

7.) The Martyr Squirrel

Store owners called pest control on a troublesome squirrel, only to find they were unavailable. The owners then called the cops. Upon arrival, the police officer proceeded to pepper spray the squirrel. The plan backfired because the mace drove everyone from the store except the squirrel. To finally get rid of the rodent, the officer shot the squirrel with a gun. Later on, that officer was fired for his actions.

8.) The Sex-Crazed Kangaroo

A kangaroo in Australia became notorious for harassing women throughout the neighborhood. He would circle around women while displaying an erection. This deviant is still on the loose, but many frightened women have reported similar interactions with the ‘roo.

9.) The Stalking Frog

A man in England had a hard time trying to convince the authorities that a frog was stalking him. The man called pest control, who didn’t take his plea seriously; they were convinced the frog would hop away. The man then took his problem to the authorities.

10.) The Dog Who Really Hates Playing Ball

A 39-year-old man from Trumann, Arkansas, woke up one morning to find his dog eating one of his testicles. The small, white dog was a stray the man had adopted three weeks earlier because he wanted a loving companion. The man, who is paralyzed from the waist down and sleeps in the nude, was awakened by a burning sensation in his mid-section. The dog was between his legs and had blood on its muzzle and front teeth. Upon further inspection, the man realized the dog had bitten his scrotum and was chomping his testicle.

Whoa, these animals are a little ruff around the edges. I certainly feel bad for the humans affected by these unfortunate encounters. Except for the drunk driver; that was one smart parrot.

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