These Six Major Signs Prove That Your Date Isn’t Going Well.

We’ve all had a bad date. If you say you haven’t, you are delusional and in denial.

That said, there are always a few tell-tale signs that your date is going downhill fast. Through my empirical research conducted in the field for many years, I’ve concluded that the following are signs that your date is going poorly.

She keeps bringing up her ex.

This means one thing. She is not over her ex. If she can’t stop talking about what an awful or awesome guy he was, it’s bad news for any future you would have with this girl. It’s like that person who says that they hate the new Taylor Swift song, but every time you’re around that friend, they sing it. If you hate it so much, why is it always on your mind? It’s because deep down, you love it. That doesn’t bode well for dates or Taylor Swift songs.

She “needs to leave early.”

If you’ve been on the date for 5 minutes and all you did is introduce yourself, and she brings up how she has to leave soon…oh boy, things are not looking good for you. Every few minutes, she checks her watch or phone to see what time it is. It’s like she is hoping to develop superpowers that grant her the ability to speed up time, because she can’t wait for it to be over fast enough.

Lots of silences.

These happen on first dates all the time. Sometimes it’s because of nerves. Other times it’s because your date isn’t interested in anything you have to offer. There is a difference between the cute “I’m nervous” awkward silences and the “I have nothing to say to you” awkward silences. The difference is pretty obvious to spot as well.

She is on/checking her phone.

Your date is constantly checking her phone. She is waiting for any kind of reason to ditch you and return to her safe house, away from you. Sometimes girls even enact a plan where they get a friend to call them in the middle of a date with an “emergency” so they can leave the date early. Other girls will just text the friends they’d rather hang out with or the guys they’d rather be on dates with. If the phone makes many cameos on your dates, it’s over before it even began.

She asks no questions about you.

All your date wants to do is talk about herself. By the end of the meal, you know her favorite band, how many times she’s seem them in concert, who her favorite member is, where her grandmother lived, what country her grandmother migrated from, who her best friend is, what her best friend does for a living, how much she goes to yoga, how she thinks yoga is a scam, how she thinks the President is a part of the Illuminati, how she thinks the Illuminati are following her everywhere, how racist her parents are, her favorite TV shows, who writes her favorite TV shows, what else the writer of her favorite TV show has done, her dog, and how her dog humps everyone’s legs. All she knows about you is that you’re paying the bill for this date.

She spits on you and tells you she hates you.

Finally, this is a pretty sure-fire sign that the date didn’t go well. I’ve never had a girl spit in my face and tell me she hates me and end up on a second date. It happens to the best of us though. Wait…this doesn’t happen to a lot of people? Just me? Well, whoops! Revealing a little bit of personal information…

There you have it. If you see anything like these happen on your date, you’re probably on a pretty bad date. Take it from me, the guy who people spit on and say they hate! One day…

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