What is one thing that every house needs to keep away intruders, but every house seems to lack? That’s right folks, booby traps. Too often are we trying to protect our houses with these faulty security systems and barking dogs. Those are such antiquated forms of protection. We need to be more innovative. That’s why I suggest we get architects to build some sweet booby traps from the Indiana Jones movies to protect our families and our valuables.
Spike Floors
Wouldn’t it be awesome if an intruder walked into your house and they were greeted by giant, man sized, spikes shooting up from the floors with each step they take? Be careful, evil-doers. This house is protected via crazy booby traps that you would never expect any normal human being to have. If you are careful enough to somehow get past the crazy spike floors you are then greeted with…
Statue Traps
You see these axe wielding maniacs and you think, “Wow this homeowner has some really weird decorations.” In your head, you can’t think that a person would further booby trap their house, you just dealt with the spike floors, you’re in the clear. Suddenly, the axe that the statue is wielding swings down and nearly chops your arm off. Then you realize you have 2 more of these statues to get past. Is this person crazy? Yes. And guess what? There’s another booby trap just ahead…
Spike Floors And Ceilings.
More spike floors?! Dude, get a life with the spike floors already. Oh, you are so wrong. Not only is it spike floors, it’s spike ceilings too and they are closing in on you. You better find the abort button fast, otherwise you’ll be squished to smithereens. Oh, you found it? Well congratulations, I guess you can have my precious jewels…
Finally
Everything seems to be going as planned, you’ve gotten past all of the previous booby traps. There is a certain inkling in your bones that there might be one more booby trap in store for you. You become paranoid but you see the treasure that you seek. Just to be safe, in case there is some kind of weight triggered booby trap, you replace the treasure with a bag of sand. It seems to work and you think you are in the clear. You think to yourself, “Heh, stupid homeowners, thinking I cant get past a few spike floors and statues…”
BIG BALL OF BOOBY TRAP DEATH!
HOLY CRAP A GIANT ROCK BALL BOOBY TRAP!!! HOW DID THESE MANIACS EVEN GET THIS IN THEIR HOUSE?! Yea, good luck out-running this thing. In all honesty, most robbers probably wouldn’t get past the first spike floors trap, but even if you manage to somehow do it, there is no way you will escape the giant ball of booby trap death.
Look, I realize that none of these booby traps are practical, logical or even possible. But, I’m just saying I’M TIRED OF PEOPLE BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE AND CAR AND ROBBING ME OF MY STUFF AND I WANT TO UNLEASH MY VENGEANCE.
