Given our reputation as being the world’s loud, unhealthy uncle in the midst of a gluttonous fat, latter-years-Elvis like phase, you’d think that America would welcome just about anything loosely labeled “food” into our borders, but sadly this is not so. Even in the freeiest gosh-darn country in the world, there are still some things our government won’t let us stick in our mouths. Here are a few of the especially delicious ones.
1.) The Hot Blondie is only available at the European Burger King… and it is glorious.
2.) Mirabelle plums are French plums. They are banned due “importing laws,” They may just be too good to share.
3.) Much like futbol and free healthcare, Aero chocolate bars are popular pretty much everywhere but the United States.
4.) Japan loves its weird flavors. Clam Chowder Flavored Doritos? That takes the cake (or clam).
5.) Kinder Eggs have a toy surprise hidden inside for the child (or adult) who is eating them. Unfortunately, the US thinks it’s not so much a “fun surprise” as it is a “choking hazard.”
6.) The horse meat ban in the US was technically lifted in 2011, but is still a ethical taboo in our country. (I got bit by a horse at summer camp when I was a kid, so maybe horse burgers aren’t a bad idea…)
7.) The Middle East doesn’t just have black gold… it has delicious chocolate gold, too. This line of chocolate and cinnamon snacks called “Kit Kat Pops looks too delicious to be real.
8.) Curly Balls are a kind of peanut butter crisp with the consistency of a Cheeto. We probably don’t have them here because Chester Cheetah has such a powerful and influential grip on Congress.
9.) Haggis, or sheep stomach, is banned in this country because in “haggis” the Scottish found a word that somehow sounds less appetizing than “sheep stomach”. (Also, it contains sheep’s lung, which isn’t approved by the government, either.)
10.) And finally, REAL Absinthe is banned because of its hallucinogenic properties. You can buy the fake stuff at the store, but it’s basically just green liqueur.
America is great and all, man we all gotta convene somewhere in international waters and party on some absinthe and horse burgers. Who’s with us? Give this a share on Facebook!
