The Vintage Sex Toys Women Used to Buy Look Downright Terrifying. NOPE.

Doctors began treating “hysteria” in women during the 1800s to relieve their pent up (ahem) tension. Medical professionals originally treated their clients though manual massage. Soon, they developed some strange machinery in an attempt to make it easier for everyone.

Of course, business-minded folks saw the opportunity to cash in on the craze with their own cleverly marketed contraptions. I’m not sure how any of these would help get a lady “in the mood” for anything but a robot convention, though.

1.) Horse Exercise Machine

Endorsed by the Princess of Wales!

2.) Vibrating Chair

“You’ll realize thoroughly [sic] the joys of better health.”

3.) Star Vibrators Electric Weight Loss Machine

The most fun way to pretend to lose weight.

4.) Polar Cub Electric Vibrator

I don’t understand. Was it cold?

5.) Vibra-Finger Gum Massager

Sure, for your “gums.”

6.) Stim-U-Lax Junior Massage Instrument

Used in barbershops and bedrooms.

7.) Vibro Battery Massager

Not fooling anyone with “body.”

8.) Wahl Hand-E Massage

This chick knows what’s up.

9.) “Personal Massagers”

They got a little less subtle over time.

10.) Hitachi Electric Vibrator

The all-time favorite for customers over the years.

(via Gurl.)

It’s a good thing the sex toy industry stopped beating around the bush about their products. Some of these looked like they could actually make you go blind. How did people use…wait, nevermind.

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