There are labels on almost everything you buy (especially from Ikea), warning you the product contains small objects. Said products usually warn you not to let small children swallow those pieces. The typical response would be, “Yeah! I mean, obviously, right?”
When you have kids, though, you realize that when your children have insatiable hunger for small things, they can (and probably will) choke on them. Don’t freak out, though. Even though your little ones will try their hardest to choke on these things, we’re here to help you avoid the panic attacks.
1.) Pins and Nails: These small but sharp objects can puncture your kids intestinal lining. Very dangerous, like throwing-up-blood dangerous.
2.) Chicken Bones: Similar to pins, these bones can sometimes be sharp on the end and actually pierce the gut.
3.) Hair: Chewing on hair may seem like a harmless habit for a child, but sometimes the hair can coagulate in the stomach and the only way it can be removed is by surgery.
4.) Jewelry: Again, small, sharp, and possibly deadly. Jewelry also has the added threat of being super shiny and much like leprechauns, kids have an affinity for shiny things.
5.) Wire: Sure you’re little munchkin isn’t gonna eat the whole spoon, but if he eats a little piece it’s gonna really tear him up inside.
6.) Buttons: I think the peril with these things stems from the fact that they’re everywhere. Unless you’re kid only wears gym tees (nothing wrong with keeping it casual when you’re two!) you should keep an eye on the number of buttons on your guy’s shirt.
7.) Magnets: If the parts of a magnet break up with in the body they can attract each other and create holes in the stomach walls.
8.) Coins: Classic. Unless you’re short on change, chances are your kid can get to these fairly easily. Make sure to keep your coins up high, or you could spend a crap-ton on medical bills in addition to the nickel Susie decided to eat.
9.) Boogers: Hey man, we all did some things we weren’t proud of in pre-k. But it’s best to cure your kids of this habit or else it could get pretty hazardous for your whole family during cold season.
10.) Batteries: Mainly batteries for watches. Although my son has an appetite and I wouldn’t put it past him to pop some C batteries for dessert.
11.) Pills: The Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans of hazardous child swallowing incidents. Who knows what “flavor” your child will get. Heart medicine? Viagra? I shutter to think…
12.) Alcohol: You might not realize it, but alcohol is everywhere. Not only that, but it’s often hidden in brightly-colored drinks. Please drink responsibly around your baby. (Preferably not at all.)
I know you feel like you’ve already been properly warned about these things, but as a parent myself I couldn’t help but give everyone another nervous reminder. Do with it what you will, but I for one would prefer my kids to still have the breath in them for at least a couple more years.
