In addition to being a pretty sick name for a metal band, there is also a company called Deathswitch that offers, in their words, “an automated system that delivers critical information to designated parties after your death.” It’s essentially an automated email blast that will send out a final message to loved ones, friends, and even enemies once you have passed away.
Why you apparently need it.
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The website for Deathswitch depicts a dark timeline where you die with all your life’s passwords have gone with you. Your poor coworkers have no access to your files at work. Your family can’t access your bank accounts to pay for your funeral. Any secrets you may have had wanted to reveal dramatically (you’re adopted, etc…) are now eternal.
How it works.
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Rest assured, Deathswitch is here to save your loved ones while you selfishly rest in cold eternity. An automated system prompts you on a regular schedule the cheerful question, “Are you alive or not?” “Wait—I’m still alive!” you say. If not, you will be prompted again and again until the system, assuming you’re dead will unleash a wave of pre-written messages to the friends and family you have chosen to be notified.
Make it fun!
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You can even customize the access codes for your soon-to-be-mourning relatives (you wouldn’t want them to be unable to access your Deathswitch information, after all.) You can create hints like “My password is a combination of the street where we grew up and the first name of your mother-in-law.” Or, you could send your relatives on an intricate, National Treasure style scavenger hunt to find your code. It’s up to you!
This handy system can be yours for only $19.95 per year. It gives you 10 recipients per message and 30 messages total. Just be warned: if you have a particularly busy week and can’t respond to the “Are you alive?” question in time, you might face some hilarious consequences. Your Uncle Hue might end up coming to collect your TV and PS4.
