Here’s What You Never Realized Was Happened In Famous Western Artworks

Romance is a major theme in many art forms, from tragic love stories to the ever-present rom-com. As nice as love and romance are, there’s something satisfying about countering all that sap with some good old snark.

Over at The Toast, Seth D. Michaels added some hilarious captions to classical paintings showing men wooing women. You might think it’s cynical, but to be perfectly honest, the cringe is just oozing out of some of these paintings. Apparently guys being pushy is nothing new. We’re not going to try and emulate Michaels’ captions (because they’re pretty fantastic on their own), but we do want to open up the world of cringey romance attempts to you.

You know the face you make when you receive a totally unwanted and unwelcome gift? That’s the face she’s making. Study it well, because it means no.

The two people in the background know how awkward this whole scene is. Is he kissing her nose? What’s with the tiny wicker furniture?

If you ever feel compelled to dress dramatically in an attempt to impress someone, take a cue from this guy’s red tights and don’t. She’s having none of it.

Protip: If she’s reading a book and pointedly not looking in your direction, give it up. She’s not interested. Probably because you’re not interesting.

The facial expressions say it all. Apparently, you can’t even have an 18th-century jam session with your girlfriends without someone interrupting to ask you out.

Everyone likes to deride a gold-digger, but with a face like his, she has little else to cling to.

You can almost hear the echoing “no” in this picture. Talk about awkward.

When rejected, some people throw themselves into theatrics. Trust us, it’s not a good look–even that small child is horrified by your antics.

If you’re looking for advice in the dating world, take some cues on what not to do from these hapless gents. Don’t interrupt, take a hint, and for the love of all that is good and holy, leave your red tights at home.

(Yes, these are real paintings, but no, these contexts are conjecture. But we like them better this way.)

Via Toast|Lost At E Minor

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