Even though I am by all accounts a grown man, when shopping for Christmas presents this year I always stay clear of the baby doll aisle in any toy store. It’s just an evil canal of plastic eyes, shrieking voice boxes and pink. Pink everywhere. Even creepier are the commercials that advertise these things. Some of them seem to have the same editors as the guy that did the movie Psycho. Here are some of the creepiest of all time.
Baby Laugh A-Lot.
The Baby Laugh A-Lot doll itself is already creepy, but couple that with frequent close-ups of the dolls cackling face, quick cuts to girls darting around and finale in which the announcer explodes in a maniacal fit of hysterics. He can barely contain the evil he just inflicted on the world.
Patti Play Pal
My new recurring nightmare is my doorbell ringing and I open it to find an unaccompanied Patty Play Pal standing there, daring me to not let her in.
Chatty Cathy
The creepiest thing about the old Chatty Cathy dolls was that when you pulled the string, their voice was clearly that of a grown woman from the 1960’s? Very disconcerting.
Starla
♫ You can talk talk in the microphone and make your doll sound like the devil is taking her! ♫
Bonny Bride.
Out of the shadows a figure ominously drifts into view…then it catapults a thing of fake flowers at your face. Ok now my recurring nightmare is me at the alter about to lift the veil off my bride only to find Bonny underneath.
Pupetrina
A deadly fusion of baby doll and puppet, Pupetrina is fun but sometimes you wonder if you are controlling her or if she’s controlling you.
Why must toy makers toil in labs to make our plastic dolls as much like babies? Isn’t the point of the doll to play pretend? Whatever happened to Raggidy Ann?
