The Chinese e-commerce site Alibaba.com made news recently when it sold $1.8 billion worth of goods in just one hour of online shopping for the Chinese “Singles Day.” I suppose it’s easy to see why. As a sort of a weird hybrid between Amazon and eBay, Alibaba allows you to buy anything you can think of at a reasonable price by one of its many vendors.
When I say anything, I mean ANYTHING. Any weird, creepy thing you can think of is sold on this site. You’ll see.
1.) This portrait of Russian President, Vladimir Putin.
2.) A gun that shoots bottles (think Molotov cocktails).
3.) Animatronic caveman that is very happy to be purchased.
4.) Wax Steve Jobs.
5.) This rectum analysis machine will help you avoid the awkwardness of having a trained professional check your prostate.
6.) Riot gear (Comes in bundles of 30).
7.) Lightsaber umbrella. Because awesome.
8.) Animatronic dinosaurs. *snore* Tell me when real dinos are for sale!
9.) Chicken paws.
10.) A trippy Peruvian retreat that involves drinking tea filled with hallucinogenic drugs.
11.) Wax Paul Walker.
12.) Pregnant cows. A whole herd of pregnant cows. Why must they be pregnant?
13.) Custom made mascots. Go Boogers! (I assume that’s what this is, but I don’t know.)
14.) This mask of your nightmares taking the form of a face (also comes in bundles of 30 for some god awful reason).
15.) Buddha shaped pears.
16.) Brazilian virgin hair. Brazilian VIRGIN hair. So it’s HAIR, but from a VIRGIN in BRAZIL. Got it?
17.) Riot van with water cannon. The ultimate commuting vehicle.
18.) I-Robots. This kid has sufficiently matched our enthusiasm levels.
19.) A golden crown.
20.) Fake boobs.
I feel like I could have a lot of fun with those Paul Walker and Steve Jobs figurines. Imagine if I took them with me to a diner.
Now to do a price check…
