The newest iPhone was unveiled a few days ago and the Internet was buzzing about all the new features it has. A bigger screen, better resolution, and faster Internet speeds are great and all, but I was expecting a little bit more from the cell phone giant. Considering Apple has more operating money than the U.S. Treasury, I think they could’ve splurged a bit more on these new upgrades. Here are some essentials I feel they are missing.
1.) Better Autocorrect.
You know why there are so many autocorrect fail websites? It’s because autocorrect fails almost nonstop. I hope there is a way to make it so that we don’t look like such idiots when texting people.
2.) Duck Face Detection.
If you are making a duck face in a picture, it refuses to take your picture. That simple.
3.) See Through.
I want my iPhone to be see through. Tony Stark had a see through phone in The Avengers and I wanted one ever since because it is AWESOME.
4.) A Back Scratcher.
Who wouldn’t love a good old retractable back scratcher on their new iPhone? I know dads everywhere would immediately buy it.
5.) Make Siri Sound Human.
Siri sounding like a robot is freaky to me. I’d like it if she sounded like an actual person as opposed to a disjointed cyborg woman.
6.) Have Siri Actually Be Helpful.
I don’t think Siri has ever once answered any of my questions accurately. And those are the times it understands what I’m asking. So frustrating.
7.) A Laser.
A laser gun, a laser pointer, it doesn’t matter. Some kind of laser thing is a necessity.
8.) Wedgie Picker.
I don’t know how it would be possible but holy crap I’m tired of embarrassingly picking out wedgies in public. I don’t know how you’d do it, Apple, but GET ON IT!
9.) Fart De-Smeller.
A little air freshener for when you’re gassy. Wouldn’t the iPhone be more complete with that addition? Yes. It would.
10.) Chocolate Fountain.
If the iPhone 6 could be a portable chocolate fountain, that would be awesome and a party starter.
11.) Pepper Spray.
iPhone definitely needs some kind of self defense mechanism. Adding a pepper spray function would keep everyone safe.
12.) Coffee Maker.
iPhone is the top phone for creative types. Creative types thrive off of coffee. Match made in heaven.
13.) Projector.
What better way to watch those episodes of The Office than on a projection from your iPhone? Get yourself a big fat white wall and enjoy!
14.) An Unbreakable Screen.
I feel like iPhone screens are made of PopRocks. One little touch the wrong way and they explode. Let’s make a screen that doesn’t explode into a million pieces when you drop it once, okay Apple?
15.) A Keyboard
Phones in 2007 had them. We all aren’t fans of your touch-screen, Apple. It’s the main cause of typing errors.
Ah, the perfect phone. Wouldn’t it be nice to have all of those amenities? It certainly would be. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait until the iPhone 7 before we see if they take our advice.
