The Burning Man festival is a music festival that occurs every year in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada. It last a week and it is truly one of the most incredible experiences a human can enjoy. One of the big caveats of the festival, though, is that many people there are on drugs. This is a bad thing, mainly because drugs are illegal and they don’t allow you to fully experience all the festival has to offer.
If you are a Sober Sally, these are the activities you can do if you choose to enjoy the festival stone cold sober. Not only is it better for your body, you’ll actually remember the festival that way.
1. Waste a bunch of your money.
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Burning Man costs a ton of money to attend and you need to bring a bunch of supplies in order to survive the however long you want to stay. This makes it the ideal place for you to spend a ton of money on things that you don’t really need, buy a bunch of costumes, face paint, regular paint, and other miscellaneous items that will cost you an arm and a leg to buy.
2. Get caught on fire!
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Face it, it’s not called Burning Man for no reason. Things are constantly being lit on fire by amateur pyrotechnics operators, sometimes by people with no experience at all! Plus the dry desert climate makes it perfect for people who are basically arsonists to spread their mayhem to you! Looking for water to put your shirt that has caught on fire out? The desert is full of water! That’s what deserts are known for, right?
3. Get sand everywhere!
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You’re going to get sand in places you didn’t know existed on your body. And sand in places you knew existed. Basically there is going to be sand everywhere. Hopefully you brought sunglasses for your eyes, a cover for your mouth, and skin tight clothes so no sand gets in your unmentionable areas. But that’s all part of the fun!
4. Build a bunch of stuff that will be destroyed.
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After Burning Man is over all that rad stuff you just built for it will need to be destroyed. You basically spent weeks building these things to show that you are the coolest mofo at the festival only to realize that they have no practical use in the real world. So what do you do? You burn it, of course! That stuff you spent weeks building and spent your hard earned money on needs to perish into dust. Makes sense.
5. Enjoy the Port-a-potties!
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Who doesn’t love going to the bathroom in a port-a-pottie? Especially in a piping hot desert where the stink is just searing everywhere. If you aren’t a fan of using the port-a-potties, you can always just pop a squat and do your business right there out in the open on the ground. Truly a unique experience.
6. Do yoga with people who probably haven’t showered in a LONG time.
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At Burning Man, there are very very few showers so you better be prepared to do numerous activities with people who haven’t showered in a while. That includes yoga! That intense exercise where people are putting their butts in your face more or less. Perfect.
7. Get lost in the desert.
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There is a lot of bike riding at Burning man and if you stray from the camp grounds, it’s easy to get lost. Not to worry though! You’ll probably find a cool place to hang out for a while or run into someone in the vast landscape that is the desert. Hope you packed your sun screen and are ready to wander the desert!
8. Shower in public.
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Like I said, there are limited water and shower supplies in the desert during this festival. So I hope you’re prepared to shower in public with a bunch of other people showering with you and a bunch more probably watching you. That’s always been your dream, right? Public nudity in front of a bunch of strangers. That’s what everyone wants to do. Accomplish that dream at Burning Man.
9. Die.
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Finally, due to all of the dangerous and hazardous elements of the Burning Man festival, it makes it an ideal place for you to go and die! Dehydration, fire, basically no law enforcement makes Burning Man the perfect place for someone to go if they are intending on dying. It’s more likely to happen than you think!
Come to think of it, maybe you shouldn’t go to Burning Man if you are on drugs or not. Seems like it isn’t worth it.
