The Chinese e-commerce site Alibaba.com made news recently when it sold $1.8 billion worth of goods in just one hour of online shopping for the Chinese “Singles Day.” I suppose it’s easy to see why. As a sort of a weird hybrid between Amazon and eBay, Alibaba allows you to buy anything you can think of at a reasonable price by one of its many vendors.
When I say anything, I mean ANYTHING. Any weird, creepy thing you can think of is sold on this site. You’ll see.
1. This portrait of Russian President, Vladimir Putin.
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2. A gun that shoots bottles (think Molotov cocktails).
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3. Animatronic caveman that is very happy to be purchased.
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4. Wax Steve Jobs.
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5. This rectum analysis machine will help you avoid the awkwardness of having a trained professional check your prostate.
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6. Riot gear (Comes in bundles of 30).
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7. Lightsaber umbrella. Because awesome.
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8. Animatronic dinosaurs. *snore* Tell me when real dinos are for sale!
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9. Chicken paws.
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10. A trippy Peruvian retreat that involves drinking tea filled with hallucinogenic drugs.
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11. Wax Paul Walker.
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12. Pregnant cows. A whole herd of pregnant cows. Why must they be pregnant?
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13. Custom made mascots. Go Boogers! (I assume that’s what this is, but I don’t know.)
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14. This mask of your nightmares taking the form of a face (also comes in bundles of 30 for some god awful reason).
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15. Buddha shaped pears.
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16. Brazilian virgin hair. Brazilian VIRGIN hair. So it’s HAIR, but from a VIRGIN in BRAZIL. Got it?
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17. Riot van with water cannon. The ultimate commuting vehicle.
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18. I-Robots. This kid has sufficiently matched our enthusiasm levels.
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19. A golden crown.
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20. Fake boobs.
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I feel like I could have a lot of fun with those Paul Walker and Steve Jobs figurines. Imagine if I took them with me to a diner.
Now to do a price check…
