Obsessed With Life Hacks? These Pictures Will Convince You To Stop And Wake Up

Life hacks. If there’s a more annoyingly overused phrase that’s popped up in the realm of the Internet, I have yet to find it. At best, they’re tips that can be found in the back of any edition of Good Housekeeping and probably involve baking soda. At worst, they’re complex projects that require a list of ingredients, materials and skills and take hours to perfect. Which, last I checked, is the opposite of a “hack.” And anyway, if your life is something you need to “hack,” you might need therapy, not duct tape and an

To combat the endless stream of hacky hacks that have inundated us, a collective of geniuses have offered a breath of fresh, non-hacked air. It’s known as the Stupid Hackathon, which held the Stupid Sh*t No One Needs & Terrible Ideas Hackathon on November 15, where people submitted the dumbest, most inane ideas they could think of, all as a satire of the hack craze. Here are some highlights:

Rearview Mirror

Why waste time turning your head or, worse, your whole body to see what’s behind you? Who has time for that? Luckily, there’s this thing, which shows you what’s going on behind you instead of in front of you. Life hack! Created by Matt Romein and Sam Sadter.

The Emoji Translator

Emojis have already saved us time by eliminating that time-waster called “ability to form coherent sentences” and allowing us to communicate complex ideas via pictograms. Look, our ancestors did it, and they had time to wipe out the woolly mammoth. Anyway what was I talking about? Curse these time-consuming words! Oh yeah, the Emoji Translator takes those annoying subtitles and turns them into a string of pictorial gibberish. By Ross Goodwin and Seth Kranzler.

Raw Meat Circuitry

Developers Brian Clifton and Kina Smith knew what was up when they created this. They describe it as “hamburger meat with blinky LEDs in it.” This is the best life hack ever! I can’t think of who wouldn’t benefit from this.

Twerk to Work

Stupid Hackathon

Think of all you could accomplish if you combined your two favorite activities: renewable energy and dancing like there’s a weird animal in your pants. Thankfully, Amelia Winger-Bearskin and Michael Oneppo are here to fill that void with a device that converts spastic pelvic thrusting into energy. Also hats off to this person who has literally the worst twerking form I have ever seen.

Laser-Cut Excuse Generator

Stupid Hackathon

Nothing cuts down on your day like making up excuses for all the things you promised other people and then totally didn’t do. Don’t they know how busy you are? Jeez. But now, thanks to Kristina Budelis and Sharang Biswas, you can slap together a totally convincing, personalized excuses so you can get out of doing pretty much anything. You’ll save time by having a handy excuse and not doing the thing you said you were going to. Woo, free time!

The Egg Timer

Stupid Hackathon

If you’re a lady person in your mid-to-late-20s or early 30s, you know, thanks to the constant nagging of old people who don’t know you, that you’re wasting valuable time with things like your “life” and “job” when you could be cranking out babies. Pam Liou knows how that is, so she developed the Egg Timer, which estimates how many eggs you have left. Of course, you could be using the time you spend checking this widget to get pregnant.

iPad On A Face

Stupid Hackathon

Cheryl Wu knew that remote communication is key in today’s world, but really hard to do without a robot. So she created this genius hack to make up for lack of physical presence by strapping an iPad to a real live human. It’s like you’re really there!

Tweet Your Food

Stupid Hackathon

It’s so annoying to put down your fork after each bite, reach for your phone, and Tweet about the awesome, likely-bacon-encrusted thing you’re currently eating. But how else are you supposed to keep your loved ones updated on this riveting subject? Thankfully, Denny George and Matthew Kaney came up with a device that tweets for you every time a bite of food is taken. Talk about multitasking!

I don’t know about you, but my life feels easier and more smug already. Stupid Hackathon isn’t done yet, though. Other brilliant ideas to make your life sleeker and more agile in this tech-obsessed world still in the works include “Cute Poop,” an app that makes pictures of poop look cute; an edible unmanned drone and Tinder for Babies.

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